Fenghaur
by Melissa2
Summary: What happens when you combine paint, our favorite starship crew and a bit of embarrassment?


Title: Fenghaur  
Rating: PG-13  
Time Frame: Season 1  
Author's Note: This one I found in my old files and finished up as a writing exercise. As all the others have been, it's humor. It's from a fic orphan by Anna, so the first few paragraphs belong to her.   
  
  
  
Harper squirmed as Trance slowly applied the colors to his face. He now wore a rainbow across his forehead, nose and cheeks.   
  
"Stop wiggling," Trance said, "you're going to smear it. It has to dry."  
  
"Who cares? This is stupid!"  
  
Trance scowled. "You're going to have fun. I know you will. There will be women at the party."  
  
His eyebrows raised. "Still, I have to dress up like this?"  
  
"We all do."  
  
"But, with girly rainbow colors?"  
  
"You're lucky you don't have to go by their general dress codes."  
  
"And that would be?" He started fanning his face to make the make-up dry faster.  
  
She tried to conceal her grin. "You'll see."  
  
"Can I get up now and put on something that isn't covered in make-up?" He looked down in disgust at the smeared paint on his blue Hawaiian shirt.  
  
"It doesn't look bad. It was already colorful." She moved away from the chair, allowing him the room to stand.  
  
"I'm still changing into a new shirt," Harper said, walking towards the door.  
  
"Wait! You are changing into a new shirt, but it's not the shirt you expected..." Trance held out a satin outfit that was yellow and green.  
  
"You want ME to wear THAT?!?" He looked at her incredulously.  
  
"Well, they said that the garb of men was to be in silk and colorful," Trance said.  
  
"Fine. But I'm only doing it for all the hot babes that are supposedly gonna be there." He grabbed the costume from her hand and took it behind the changing screen. "Is it supposed to fit me?"  
  
"It should." Trance listened with amusment as he tried to put the costume on.  
  
He groaned. "This is like spandex or something, Trance."  
  
"It is? Well, it's the only thing I could find on such short notice..."  
  
"I'm not coming out. It looks...well, you don't even wanna know how it looks."   
  
"Come on out, Harper...I'm sure it doesn't look that bad. But if it looks too bad you can change into something else," Trance coaxed him.  
  
"Fine." He stepped out from behind the changing screen.  
  
Trance did all she could to keep from laughing. The satin was acting exactly like spandex, clinging to his body and leaving nothing to the imagination. And the bright yellow and green definitely didn't look very good on him. She was reminded of a picture of a court jester she saw in Andromeda's database. "It's not that bad, really."  
  
"Then why are you trying not to laugh so hard, huh?" Harper asked miserably.  
  
"There is another option, Harper. One that's probably better than this in the long run," Trance said.  
  
"I'm for anything other than this!" Harper said.  
  
*****  
  
"The apocalypse is coming, I tell you!" Harper said to Trance.  
  
"Just because I've seen you...like this?" Trance asked, blushing slightly.  
  
"Not just seen me...painted me!" He glanced down at his now nearly naked body. He was only wearing a rather skimpy bathing suit, his skin painted in navy blue, the only color of body paint Trance had enough of.  
  
"You'll fit in perfectly...no one will even know it's you after I finish with your hair," Trance assured him.  
  
"I don't think I'm going to go. I'll just take a shower and lay in my quarters. You can tell everyone I'm sick again."  
  
"No, you're going to go. I wasn't going to tell you, but the women don't wear clothes either. They wear paint."  
  
Harper raised an eyebrow. "Are you going in paint?"  
  
She nodded. "But Rev and Tyr aren't going. The Yerians don't really like Nietzscheans or Magog."  
  
"Beka's going in paint, too? And Rommie?"  
  
"Mhmmmmm," Trance said, a brush she had used in her mouth as she closed a container of paint.  
  
A wide grin spread across Harper's face.  
  
*****  
  
Harper, Beka, Trance, Rommie and Dylan entered the convention hall in which the party was to be held celebrating the Yerians joining the Commonwealth. They were all covered in blue body paint, otherwise nude. To their surprise, the Yerians all were donning white and pastel robes that enshrouded their bodies totally. A few gasps rose from the crowd as Andromeda's crew was noticed.  
  
"Where in the hell are the hot naked chicks in body paint, Trance?" Harper asked quietly.  
  
"I don't know," Trance said. "Maybe they're in the other room?"  
  
The leader of the Yerians stepped forward, evidently embarrassed. "We believe in allowing others to have their customs, but we didn't know that you dressed like...that."  
  
Dylan tried to avoid being as embarrassed as the leader of the Yerians obviously was. "I received the information from our database that this was your dress style."  
  
Laughter erupted from the crowd.  
  
"Three hundred years ago. Our appearance physically has not changed, but our customs have. Didn't my communications head send you an update?"  
  
"Yeah. I was there when they sent it," Beka said.  
  
A man stepped forward and whispered into the ear of the leader. "Our head is ill. Obviously there was an error in the transmission. We apologize for the confusion."  
  
"Can we, uhhh, get some clothes then?" Harper asked, vainly trying to cover himself from the eyes of the crowd.  
  
"You are free to use our facilities to cleanse yourself and wear our ceremonial robes. This will be a day in history for the Yenari! We will remember it as Fenghaur! Statues will be built and it will be a joyous day!"  
  
The crowd erupted in laughter again.  
  
"What does Fenghaur mean?" Dylan asked Rommie.  
  
"It roughly translates to 'naked blue people,'" Rommie replied.  
  
"They're going to make statues of us naked and blue?!" Harper asked, nearly choking. He turned to Trance. "I knew that paint was a reallllly bad idea." 


End file.
